Reflecting
There are times when I let too much time go by and I have virtually ignored my blog for months and months. This is one of those times. I stopped writing blog entries when I went home to California for a visit in March 2009. I was home for two months enjoying family, friends and food. I was going to write a blog entry about my time at home but just didn’t make the time. I kept thinking about writing entries on all the wonderful food dishes and how I could describe them in detail but then I let that moment pass and just didn’t do it.
Then I returned to Tanzania in May and knew I was even more months behind in my blog but still didn’t get right back to writing. Part of me kept waiting for something really fun to happen so that I could write about something fun and witty with a picture to go with it.
Although many fun and happy moments have occurred since I have been back in Tanzania I have been a bit preoccupied with other things.
For one being back here has been a bit of an emotional time for me. I wish I could describe the feelings that I have been experiencing these past few months but it has been hard putting words to it all.
I know part of it is that I missed everyone so much and it has been nice just being back but another part is that I was gone for two months and I left all the children who I have grown so attached to and I didn’t realize how hard that was going to be for me. One child in particular, Moses missed me more than I realized he would and I missed him more than I thought I would. The day I returned he saw me and just looked at me for a long time. He held his arms for me to hold him and wouldn’t let go of me for the rest of the day. He didn’t take his nap that day and only ate if I fed him.
It was an emotional day for me because I realized how much I have fallen in love with this little boy.
These past few months I have also realized a lot of things about myself and the past three years living here.
Yesterday, July 16th, was my three-year anniversary since moving here to Tanzania. The past three years have been amazing, wonderful, challenging, hard, stretching, painful, lively, lonely, crushing, hilarious…should I go on?
It is never a dull moment here and yet sometimes the days are all the same.
I am challenged to my core and often find myself asking the question, “How did I get into this situation?”
Three years ago I had no idea what in the world I was headed for when I moved here. I just went because I knew it was time to go. Now looking ahead to the future I have no idea what is around the corner. I am done trying to figure out how things are going to look…instead I just thank the Lord for His grace and strength.
I cried my eyes out for over an hour the other day. I just want to honor God with my words and actions, but feel so far from where I should be.
God has shown Himself wonderful to me over and over again. I know that these past three years have been for a greater purpose than I realize at this point in my life. I am willing to change…by the grace of God He will do what needs to be done in my life. God’s word promises that He will continue the process of change in our lives.
“He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion…” Philippians 1:6
Then I returned to Tanzania in May and knew I was even more months behind in my blog but still didn’t get right back to writing. Part of me kept waiting for something really fun to happen so that I could write about something fun and witty with a picture to go with it.
Although many fun and happy moments have occurred since I have been back in Tanzania I have been a bit preoccupied with other things.
For one being back here has been a bit of an emotional time for me. I wish I could describe the feelings that I have been experiencing these past few months but it has been hard putting words to it all.
I know part of it is that I missed everyone so much and it has been nice just being back but another part is that I was gone for two months and I left all the children who I have grown so attached to and I didn’t realize how hard that was going to be for me. One child in particular, Moses missed me more than I realized he would and I missed him more than I thought I would. The day I returned he saw me and just looked at me for a long time. He held his arms for me to hold him and wouldn’t let go of me for the rest of the day. He didn’t take his nap that day and only ate if I fed him.
It was an emotional day for me because I realized how much I have fallen in love with this little boy.
These past few months I have also realized a lot of things about myself and the past three years living here.
Yesterday, July 16th, was my three-year anniversary since moving here to Tanzania. The past three years have been amazing, wonderful, challenging, hard, stretching, painful, lively, lonely, crushing, hilarious…should I go on?
It is never a dull moment here and yet sometimes the days are all the same.
I am challenged to my core and often find myself asking the question, “How did I get into this situation?”
Three years ago I had no idea what in the world I was headed for when I moved here. I just went because I knew it was time to go. Now looking ahead to the future I have no idea what is around the corner. I am done trying to figure out how things are going to look…instead I just thank the Lord for His grace and strength.
I cried my eyes out for over an hour the other day. I just want to honor God with my words and actions, but feel so far from where I should be.
God has shown Himself wonderful to me over and over again. I know that these past three years have been for a greater purpose than I realize at this point in my life. I am willing to change…by the grace of God He will do what needs to be done in my life. God’s word promises that He will continue the process of change in our lives.
“He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion…” Philippians 1:6
posted by Lydia | 4:43 AM
2 Comments:
Hi Lyd,
Just reading your blog... I like what you said in this one, "I am done trying to figure out what is coming. Just trustin God for His grace". That's good... really good.. until one gets into a situation that requires that, it's like one doesn't really know what you're saying, but, right now, I feel like I know what you're saying!
Love,
Freya
P.S. I had to post as "anonymous" because I couldn't remember my password! : ) Surprise..surprise... I also enjoyed the previous post about the babies birthdays... Too bad Moses didn't like the cake! Too scared to eat it! That boy's a scardey pants! : )
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