Just Rambling Some Thoughts

I go through these stages of being faithful in my blog writing and then forgetting about putting in an entry for months. All of these "little things" take place daily where I say to myself, "I need to put that in a blog." But then the day goes on and then the week goes on and eventually I find that seven or eight things have happened that I wanted to write a blog about and not one was written.

I have spent the past five or six months doing a lot of thinking and reflecting...just thinking about how much my life has changed over the past three and a half years. I could never have known what my life would be like after living here this long. To say it has been hard would not be an exaggeration. To say that it has been wonderful would be putting it mildly.
I was talking to Eli, TOA assistant director, about a month ago and he was telling me that he has never known someone to change so much in such a short amount of time as he has seen in me these past three and a half years. Then yesterday I was chatting with Pastor Mbasha, a very good friend of mine, and he was telling me that the changes he has seen take place in my life have caused him to seek to the Lord about his own life. He said the Holy Spirit has been convicting him about areas in his life where he needs to grow and change.
As he spoke those words to me I felt such appreciation and gratefulness to the Lord.

I am not writing these things because I am such a wonderful person and I want to tell everyone to be like me. Oh man...never in a million years! But this morning when I woke up my heart was so full of thankfulness. I am thankful that God is so patient and loving. There are times when I get on my own nerves. I get so frustrated with myself and I want so bad to be a better person. I am thankful because God loves me so much and is always looking out for my best. God's Spirit led me to live in Tanzania, Africa. He knew I'd make mistakes here (oh man, big ones too!) but He has given me so much grace...more grace than I have given to myself. He has used the hard times here to change me. I haven't been willing the whole time to change...bucked at it multiple times for long periods of time...but God is gracious and His patience is amazing.

I have a couple of journals that I have written in since moving here. The first journal is a day to day of my life filled with some frustrations and a few "woe is me" entries.
The second journal is all about the goodness of God and how knowing Him and serving Him is the greatest part of living.
The second journal was started after I filled up the first journal and without realizing it, during the journal transition I was going through important internal changes.
I still have frustrations and journal about them, but instead of dwelling on the frustration I journal a scripture as the theme of what I am writing and the answer to all that I need. It is life-changing to have God's word be my hope and strength.

I have a different outlook at people now. I look at others the way God has treated me. I used to see people from the place of what they did in the past and saw them as that way in the present and future. But that is wrong...God sees so much more in us than who we are now and the mistakes we've made in the past. He sees us as who we were created to be!
I want to see myself and everyone else from the way God looks at me. I have made mistakes in the past but God has forgiven me and continued to love me and lead me forward! I am so thankful!!!
I want to love others, even when they have made mistakes or done something that may have hurt my feelings. I don't want to be the judge over anyone, but instead see that all people can change and grow and become different. We are never to old to change and God's grace never runs out...for that I am so thankful!!!
I like to reflect on the good things that God does in my life because it causes me to have a grateful heart. Everything I am and anything I hope to be is because of Him loving me and helping me.

When I was a teenager I saw a bumper sticker that said, "TRY JESUS." I remember the person I was with said, "You don't try Jesus...he isn't a pair of shoes you put on and then change your mind and take off." But you know thinking about it now I like that saying...TRY JESUS! I decided to serve the Lord when I was 15 years old. I wasn't fully sure what it was all about, but one "taste" of the Lord and I was hooked...nothing compares to knowing the Lord. I couldn't turn away...where would I go? Trying Jesus is saying yes to the Lord and then once we've said yes there is nothing that compares to Him.