Understanding

Jodie has been in California for a little over a month. I had determined in my heart that I would not allow myself to feel alone while she is away. It is funny because I didn’t even know Jodie before we moved here to Tanzania and now she is the person that I spend the most time with and it has been this way for the past four years. She has become more than a friend to me…she is a sister.
We work at the orphanage together and live in the same house. It is easy to say that we are together all the time. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” This scripture defines our friendship.
The past four years here have been a life-changing experience for me. Sad to say, but it has not all been sweet and wonderful. I have made mistakes and I’d love to turn back the hands of time and change so many things. But this cannot be done so the only thing left is to move forward. This process of moving forward has been a slow one for me. But in the midst of the uphill climb that is in front of me I find God’s grace giving me the strength I need to keep going.

In my friendship with Jodie we have for sure had our ups and downs…yep, lots of them. But with Jodie I have found someone who understands something about me that has made all the difference in the world: She knows how much I love her. She knows that I would never ever ever do something on purpose to hurt her. She knows that my heart towards her is to bless her. Do I always do exactly that? No, but she knows that I want to!!! So when there is a misunderstanding between us we can talk about it. We can talk about all of it because I am not judging her and I am not upset with her…we just need to talk and understand what is going on between the two of us.

During the past month and a half that Jodie has been home visiting her family I have had lots of time to myself. A good friend of mine sent me some scriptures and encouraged me to start meditating on them. I keep them on the dining table that has turned into my own personal desk for reading, studying and journaling (just while Jodie is in California). Every evening I sit at the table and read these Bible verses out loud. Every morning I get up and read them out loud. If I go home at lunch time I read them out loud.
I am so encouraged by God’s word. I am blessed each time I read His word out loud. God’s word speaks of His love for us and how much He understands us and how He wants what is best for us. In the midst of all my mistakes He does not give up on me.
He is not offended by me and if I make a mistake He is always ready to forgive me. I love it that God knows what is in my heart and sees that I so badly want to honor Him with my life.

I think I am missing Jodie a lot right about now. I am reflecting a lot too and with reflection there is also thankfulness. Thank you God for understanding me…thank you for loving me and giving me your word that tells me how much I mean to you!!!